The Swede, Part 2

The Swede, Part 2


I am not a patient man.  When I want something, I want it now.  It is something that I need to work on, but honestly, in life it has served me well in life.  My wife and I only dated for six months before we were married.  Ten years on, we're very happy.  However, had we dated longer, she would have figured out what a nozzle I was and dumped me.  Sometimes you have to move quickly.

"Honey!?  Where is your nail polish remover?"

"My what?"

"Nail.Polish.Remover!"

"Under the sink......maybe......wait - what do you need it for?"

"An axe."

"What?  I didn't hear you."

That was part of the plan.  Never tell a woman you are using her beauty products to work on your man-tools.  It goes over like a fart in church, or for you non-believers, Mothers' Day at the orphanage.

I stuck the bottle in my coat pocket and headed for the shed.  The shed is my domain.  That of which shall not be trespassed by women-folk.  As I rushed toward the back door, she caught me.

"What do you need nail polish remover for?"

This is where you have to use your aquired man skills.

"What?"

She repeated the question.

I mumbled.

She repeated the question.  Now, here is the trick - if she asks more than three times and you don't answer, you're going to get nailed.

"Berightback.Gottagototheshed."

Answer fast and short.  It confuses them.

I bolted through the door and out to the shed.  I know that I shouldn't be using nail polish remover to take paint off of an axe head, but it was Sunday.  The hardware store is closed.  Beyond that, it is the Lord's day and I try not to shop on the Lord's day.

 So this is the instructional part.  It was done quickly.  I soaked a rag in the nail polish and let it set on the head.

Round 1, not bad.

 Whilst I was waiting, I measure from the top of the eye to the bottom of the haft.  This is the complaint that I've heard about this axe.  People don't like the short handle.  Even at 5'11", I like about a 30" handle for splitting.  Shorter for crafting and branch work.

 Round 2.  Look.at.that.metal.

 I have a feeling this honey will become my favorite for limbing and crafting.  She's sharp.

That's all I have time for today.

Note to self  and others - When using pilfered beauty products, always be sure to leave some in the bottle.  It runs on the same theory as when you used to steal booze out of the family liquor cabinet. 

"Funny, I thought there was half of a bottle left," Pops says.

"Dude, you must've been loaded the other night," child responds.

Pax Domini Sit Semper Vobiscum,

Mike, Oscar, Hotel.......out.